In this video, the speaker delves into the intricacies of emotions and stresses the importance of recognising and labeling our feelings. It discusses how avoiding pain and discomfort can affect both our relationships and personal development. The video highlights the value of empathy and outlines four steps to enhance it. Additionally, it suggests keeping a feelings diary as a way to become more mindful and attuned to our emotional journeys.
A man speaks:
Stepping into the land of feelings can feel pretty uncomfortable. Many of us will do almost anything to not feel pain and hurt. We are great avoiders. Have you ever found yourself making others responsible for how you feel?
Let's take a few minutes to make sense of how we can get more comfortable in the land of emotion. We communicate via language, you already know this. We tell ourselves stories to try and explain what is happening to us and others around us. It's the way we make sense of situations that we find ourselves in. Having the right words is important to be able to let people know what is really going on for us.
Naming experiences allows us to understand and make meaning from the situations we find ourselves in. Part of naming that experience is to learn to label feelings. If we don't have the words to label our feelings it is difficult to communicate our needs and get the support we need from other people. If I asked you to name as many feelings as you can, how many can you come up with? We often have a very restricted list based on I feel glad, sad, mad, or bad, but feelings are much more complex. You might be in very different places within the same range of feelings. Sometimes. You might be mildly angry, moderately angry or very angry.
You might be wondering, why bother? Let me let you into a secret. Feelings are the basis for being able to understand what is going on for ourselves as well, as somebody else. We call this empathy. Empathy has four different steps that build upon the one before. Step number one is to have a language around feelings. We need to be able to have words to explore the many feelings that we might experience ourselves. Step number two is to be able to read feelings in other people. Without your own feeling language, it's hard to read feelings in others. Step number three is to be able to put ourselves in the position of the other person. This helps us to get a sense of what things might be like for them at that particular moment in time. Step number four is to adjust our behaviour so we can support the other person at that particular moment.
The antidote to abuse is to lean in, rather than lean out. When we're in situations where we are wound up about something.
Your challenge over the next week is to begin to keep a diary of the feelings that you're experiencing throughout the day. We suggest that you take a few minutes at different times through the day, just check in with how you're feeling. This might be when you wake up, around the middle of the day and before you turn in for the day. This will start to tune you into noticing if there are particular feelings that come up more often than not.
